


only fools

by rocketshiptospace



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Pining, sort of???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:05:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7116892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jace looks conflicted now and Simon places a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I know what you’re thinking: ‘Simon Lewis, what does he know about dating?’ Well, from experience, very little. But I’ve been friends with Clary all my life, and on top of that I’ve watched enough rom-coms to be able to confidently call myself an expert. You’ll be successfully dating Clary before you can even say ‘Simon you're an idiot’. Trust me.”</p>
<p>or, Simon convinces himself Jace is into Clary, and like the Amazing Best Friend that he is, tries to teach Jace how to properly wine and dine her. It doesn't really go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	only fools

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is for my one and only, my buddy my bro my bestie, the light of my life, the sun the moon and all of my stars. happy birthday, [lev](http://sparklesthewarlock.tumblr.com). love you <3 (also, if you're wondering, ellie, what the fuck is this, yes, this is indeed a fic based on [one of the first conversations we ever had](http://aleclwb.tumblr.com/post/142950765141/muffled-jimon-chanting-in-distance-id-love-to). i'm sappy like that)

While Simon Lewis might be oblivious to a lot of things, as Clary’s Best Friend For All Of Life he has developed an _awesome_ date-radar. Or more like a ‘people who are interested in dating Clary’ radar. It’s been perfected over years and years of watching people fall head over heels in love with his best friend. Which, really, he can’t blame them. He fooled himself he was in love with her once as well, before he realized he loved her as nothing more than a friend. Clary is just that charming, and beautiful, and friendly, and _awesome_.

Anyway, as of recently, Jace Wayland has been hitting a solid 10/10 on Simon’s ‘people who are interested in dating Clary’ radar, which is kind of really worrisome, given Jace’s general reputation.

Because here’s five things Simon knows about Jace Wayland:

  1. He’s one hell of a hot piece of ass. No, literally. Jace’s ass in tight sports pants is one of the sole reasons Simon actually attends football games. It’s magnificent. He could write sonnets about it. And if he ever ran out of source material about Jace’s ass, he could always move on to his face. Which is a literal sculpture of the gods, in Simon’s humble opinion. Jace’s jawline might be the eighth wonder of the world. His eyes are the kind of eyes someone could drown in. Simon, for example. From up close. Preferably with their lips locking. (And oh god, those _lips)._  

  2. He might be ruggedly handsome, Jace is also a massive tit. Like, Simon’s pretty sure Jace has spared him a glance an impressive two times, and both of those times he’d been scowling. He’s the kind of person who knows they’re attractive, and flaunts it. Obnoxiously. He’s also the kind of person that laughs their ass off when a student actually starts their English presentation in Spanish and gets super flustered over it only to forget everything they actually wanted to say. (Yes, that student was Simon, and yes, he’s still bitter about it.)  

  3. Jace, for never having shown _any_ interest in Clary or Simon whatsoever, has been looking in their direction an awful lot lately. Clary and Simon are in a totally different layer of the High School Hierarchy, so technically Jace shouldn’t really acknowledge their existence beside from laughing at them when they do something stupid, and yet here they are. There’s fugitive glances, sneaky looks. It’s all very suspicious. Granted, this might all be Simon’s own fault, since it kind of started after he accidentally spilled his coffee all over Jace’s perfectly sculpted t-shirt clad chest and then continued to give him a long rambling apology, but that doesn’t warrant the amount of staring Jace has been doing lately. That whole incident could’ve been easily forgotten by both parties very quickly.  
  
Which leads Simon to point number 4.



 

  1. Jace is in love with Clary. It’s the only logical explanation for the staring. After all, the coffee incident had ended with Clary taking pity on Simon and dragging him away from Jace with an apologetic looking thrown over her shoulder. Jace had seen Clary, had gotten a severe case of the cartoon heart eyes (like most people when they meet Clary), and probably started coming up with an elaborate plan to get into her pants. Add her to his stitch-and-ditch list, as Simon liked to call it.



 

  1. Because the fifth and final thing Simon knows about Jace Wayland is that he doesn’t do relationships, ever. Simon’s pretty sure the guy has never even gone on a date. There’s rumors though, of him sleeping with girls at parties, of him hooking up with them in his fancy ass car. Over the years, Jace has gotten quite the reputation, and Simon’s not really sure if that makes him the perfect guy for Clary. Actually, Simon’s pretty sure that doesn’t really make him the perfect guy for anyone.



 

This exact list is pretty much the reason he stalks over to Jace in the hallways on Friday, because clearly him and Jace need to have a talk. About Clary. Because Simon’s nothing if not an _awesome_ best friend.

It’s kind of terrifying, because in all his years of High School, Simon has mostly flown under the radar. Part of this is due to the fact he never purposely sought out contact with the so called ‘popular’ kids. Talking to Jace is a clear violation of Simon’s carefully constructed list of rules about how to survive High School. Rule number one: avoid the popular kids at all costs.

But, this was for Clary. And Simon would travel to hell and back for Clary. She’d been his friend for a long time, his only friend for a while, and they look out for each other. Even if looking out for each other in this case means literally walking into the jaws of the beast.

He’s not even. He’s not going to tell Jace to back off. Clary can still make her own decisions, can decide for herself whether Jace is good enough for her. No, all he’s going to do is tell Jace to watch it. If he hurts Clary, Simon will…. Well, probably not punch him because Jace’s biceps are the size of a watermelon, but like. Make his life miserable. Somehow. Spill coffees over him every time he leaves the cafeteria, something like that. Whatever, Simon will cross that bridge when they pass it.

Jace is alone, which is kind of a small miracle. Normally, he’s surrounded by either his football friends or the Lightwood siblings, but today he’s standing at his locker all alone, chucking books in there like he can catapult them into a different dimension if he just throws hard enough.

“What have those books done to you to deserve such a horrible fate?” Simon blurts out when he’s within earshot, because Simon’s always had a horrible brain to mouth filter.

“What?” Jace asks, looking up at him, slightly disgruntled. Simon gestures at the haphazard mess of books in Jace’s locker, and Jace frowns. “Oh,” he says. “That.” He doesn’t elaborate, which means an awkward silence falls over them and if there’s one thing Simon hates, it’s awkward silences.

“Anyway, I’m totally not here to judge your treatment of your books or anything, I mean, you do you. Even though I do want to remind you you’re going to need those for the rest of the year and I don’t know if you’ve ever tried studying from a book that looks like it was attacked by the entire cast of Cats & Dogs, but it’s kind of really hard. I know. I tried it. Not that I generally throw my books into a locker like some sort of very determined discus thrower, but like, I used to babysit this kid in my neighborhood who was kind of really weird and used my books as his personal trampolines. Which is weird, because you don’t get that much altitude from jumping on a book? But you know, like I said, weird kid.” Simon trails off a little when he sees the unimpressed look Jace sends him.

“Right,” he says, not sure what to do with his arms. He crosses them first, then uncrosses them, lets them dangle by his side, and crosses them again. “I’m Simon by the way, which you probably don’t know-“

“I do,” Jace says, startling Simon, “You’re friends with that Clary girl.”

The fact that Jace calls her ‘that Clary girl’ is really not a good start if he’s looking to woo her romantically. Simon frowns. “’That Clary girl’ is actually the reason I wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Jace says, raising one eyebrow as he leans against his locker. It all looks very casually cool. Simon hates him a little bit for it. Because here Simon is, about to give Jace a threatening speech about how he has to treat his best friend and Jace has already out-cooled him.

Simon uncrosses his arms again, places them on his sides, realizes that makes him look an awful lot like their gym teacher, or his mother when she’s mad at him, and crosses them again, standing up a little straighter. “Yeah, well. I’ve seen the way you look at her.” It appears Simon is getting straight to the point. Thanks for nothing, brain to mouth filter.

“You have?” Jace says, and he looks amused. At least he’s not denying it. Which means it must be true.

Simon huffs, “Yes, you’re not very sneaky about it.” Jace snorts, like there’s some joke Simon’s not getting, and Simon glares at him. “Anyway, I’m not here to tell you to stop. I’m just here to tell you that Clary only deserves the best, and if you can’t give her the world, turn around and walk away right now.”

“You think I want to date Clary.” Jace says. He looks both amused and a little surprised, and Simon suppresses the urge to punch him in the nose. His perfect, _perfect_ nose.

“Yes. And I’m here to tell you that that’s fine, as long as you treat her right.” Jace looks a little confused now, which is a very strange look on him, and that’s when it hits Simon. “Oh my god. Oh my god, you have no idea how to date girls, do you? Of course you don’t, you’ve never had to woo one, they just fall at your feet, oh my god this is, we need to do something about that!”

Jace goes to open his mouth, but Simon flaps his arms around to shut him up, “No, no, dude, don’t worry, you don’t even got to ask, I got your back, I’ll totally help you out. I’ll show you how to properly wine and dine a girl. Let’s call it ‘Dating 101 with Simon Lewis’. You’ll be an expert in no time.”

Jace looks conflicted now and Simon places a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I know what you’re thinking: ‘Simon Lewis, what does he know about dating?’ Well, from experience, very little. But I’ve been friends with Clary all my life, and on top of that I’ve watched enough rom-coms to be able to confidently call myself an expert. You’ll be successfully dating Clary before you can even say ‘Simon you’re an idiot’. Trust me.”

“I’m not sure-“ Jace starts, but Simon shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about it, dude, it’s no big deal. I’d love to help you out.” He’s hitting two birds with one stone here. He gets to make sure Jace is an all right dude and that he’ll treat Clary right. “Meet me up right here tomorrow after school, yeah? We’ll go to my house and I can talk you through the basics. It’s going to be awesome, man, trust me. Bye Jace, see you tomorrow!”

Simon nearly skips off in the direction of the door, leaving a slightly flabbergasted Jace behind. He doesn’t say this lightly, but he’s pretty sure this is the best plan he’s ever had. Granted, he has to spend more time with Jace than he can technically handle, but the result will be great. Hopefully. Maybe. Oh well. He probably shouldn’t tell Clary about all of this, though.

\--

He tells Clary during lunch the next day, because he literally can’t keep anything from her. Clary laughs for a solid ten minutes and then tells him it’s the worst idea he’s ever had. Granted, he left out the part where Jace actually want to date her, and instead opts for telling her that he’s trying to teach Jace Wayland how to date girls. She thinks it’s hilarious.

“And where are you getting your teaching material from? Personal experience?” She asks, and Simon throws a French fry in her direction. It misses by a mile.

“Hey, I totally know how to wine and dine someone,” he counters, “Just because I haven’t gotten the opportunity to show it yet, doesn’t mean I don’t have the knowledge.”

Clary hums, “And you’re sure this is about teaching Jace how to date girls? Not teaching him how to date you?”

Simon lets out a loud squawk and nearly chokes on a fry, “I do _not_ want to date Jace Wayland!” He exclaims, when he’s finally stopped coughing, “I just want him to improve on his dating manners. For the greater good.”

Clary raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing him. He throws another fry at her.

\--

Jace takes one look at Simon’s van, and promptly turns around to walk away. Simon catches him by the upper arm just in time, “I don’t think so, buddy. You’ve made the commitment, now get in the van.”

“It’s _yellow_.” The way he says it makes it sound like the color personally insulted his entire family. He turns around to frown at Simon, and Simon gets momentarily distracted by the way his muscles shift where Simon’s still holding onto his arm.

“That’s right, matches your personality perfectly, sunshine.” Simon knows any attempts at trying to drag Jace to the van will only result in murder. The murder of Simon, to be exact. And he’s so not ready to explain to his mother why he’s no longer alive. So instead he lets go and marches to the van, hoping Jace will give up on trying to be a massive pain in the ass and just follow him.

He does, and Simon tries to act unbothered by this, but on the inside he’s doing a mini victory dance. No one can resist the patented Simon Lewis Charm™. Jace doesn’t say a word for the entire journey home, but he also stops glaring at the upholstery after five minutes, which Simon counts as a win.

\--

“So, big guy,” Simon says, once they’re both in Simon’s room. Simon himself is sitting on his desk chair, idly swaying left and right. Jace has taken the liberty to splay himself all over Simon’s bed, like the pretentious self-entitled asshole he is. Honestly, Simon shouldn’t even be surprised. There’s a small strip of skin showing where his shirt has rucked up, and is almost as offending as how easily Jace made himself at home in Simon’s personal space. “Ready for lesson one?”

“Humor me,” Jace says, leaning up on his elbows and sending Simon an expectant look.

“Anyway, what do you think the most important part of dating is?” Simon asks. Jace just glares at him. “You’re right!” Simon ads sarcastically, “It’s the asking! I mean, if you never ask the girl, she’s never going to go out with you. The thing is, the way you ask someone out all depends on how well you know them. If you’ve been friends forever, you might do this big dramatic speech in the rain where you tell her about how you’ve been in love with her since the first time you met. If you don’t know each other that well, it’s probably saver to go with something a little more casual. Here, try it on me.” Simon gestures to himself and Jace raises an eyebrow.

“Okay. Will you go out with me.”

Simon blinks at him for a few seconds. “Are you kidding me? That’s the best you can do? That wasn’t even a _question_! I did not detect a question mark _anywhere_ in that sentence,” he eventually says, undignified tone in his voice. “Try again.”

Jace sighs, long suffering, like this is quite literally the worst thing he’s ever had to do in his entire life. Knowing his reputation, and the people he usually hangs out with, it probably is. “Fine. Will you go out with me?”

“Okay,” Simon said, nodding. “Baby steps, baby steps. Now make it a little more personal.”

Jace sort of looks like he much rather jump out of a window. “I’m really not seeing the point in all of this.”

Simon raises an eyebrow. “Hey, you want to date Clary or not? She’s never going to go out with you if you continue to act like an absolute douche nozzle.”

Jace looks a bit constipated at that, which is honestly not really surprising considering Simon just called him a douche nozzle. Jace should be grateful, though. It’s definitely one of the better words Simon has used to describe him. “Simon, I’m not-“

“Very good at this,” Simon finishes for him, “No, we’ve established that. Now try again.”

Jace does another one of his long suffering sighs. He actually gets up from the bed this time, and Simon squeaks when Jace suddenly appears in front of him. This is it, this is the end. He’s pushed it too far and now Jace is going to murder him, and they’re never going to find his body. Tell his mother he loved her.

But instead of brutal murder, Jace sinks down on one knee, which is both the most ridiculous and hilarious thing Simon has ever seen. Jace seems unaffected by his current ridiculous position, and instead just grabs Simon’s hand.

“Simon Lewis,” he starts, and Simon squeaks. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’ve seen you around the hallways, and I think you’re really cute. So, uh, I was wondering,” he actually looks a bit sheepish now, like he just realized himself how freaking weird this is. “I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime? So we can get to know each other better?”

“Yes!” Simon squeaks, and then clears his throat, pitching his voice an octave lower again. “I mean, yes. Yes that’s perfect. Clary’s definitely going to say yes if you phrase it like that.”

Jace’s face, that seemed to have softened a bit when he started giving his short little speech, hardens again. “Yes. Clary. Okay.” He gets up and wipes his hands on his jeans. “So, was that it? Because I have other things to do today.”

Normally, Simon would’ve argued. Would’ve told Jace they’re far from done and that there’s still a lot more they need to discuss. But right now his brain is still stuck on the image of Jace Wayland on his knees before him, asking him on a date with such honesty that it had kind of felt real for a second. “Yeah, uh, it’s fine. It’s, you can leave.”

Jace nods and starts moving for the door, but stops halfway, turns back around, and scribbles something on a piece of paper that’s lying on Simon’s desk. “Text me. About the second lesson. I guess. Bye.”

And then he’s gone.

Simon falls back into the desk chair. So. This whole thing might be a lot harder than he thought it would be.

\--

“Coffee,” Jace says, when they enter a little coffee shop only a few blocks from both of their houses the next day, “Your genius first date plan is to go for coffee,” Jace wrinkles his nose, “How awfully cliché of you.”

Simon points his finger at Jace as they get in line. “The reason going for coffee is such a popular first date choice, is because it _works_. See, a good first date has three things,” Simon starts counting them off on his fingers, “One, a neutral environment with loads of people around in case your date turns out to be a creep. Which rules out hanging out at either of our houses. Two, the opportunity to talk and get to know each other, which rules out going to the movies. And Three, first dates should never have a time limit. Like, say you go for dinner. That means you have to suffer through at least three courses, since its considered rude to leave earlier. That leaves either going for a drink or going for coffee as the best date option, as you can easily leave after you’ve finished your beverage. And since neither of us are old enough to legally drink yet, coffee it is.”

Jace raises an eyebrow at him. “You put a lot of thought into this.”

Simon shrugs, “What can I say, I have a lot of free time and a sister with a Seventeen magazine subscription.” 

Before Jace can comment on this, they’ve reached the front of the line, and Jace continues to order the most complicated coffee Simon’s ever heard. “Uh, just a tea for me please,” he says, when the barista expectantly turns to him.

Jace snorts, “So you hold this entire speech on why going to a coffee shop is the best first date location and then you go and don’t even order _coffee_.”

“Coffee makes me jittery,” Simon says with a frown, “Also you’re one to talk, Mr. ‘My coffee has more sugar than an entire candy store’.”

“I have a sweet tooth,” Jace says defensively, like Simon insulted his entire family instead of just his coffee choice.

“Right,” Simon says, about to pull out his wallet when he notices Jace is already paying. “What a gentleman,” he says, as they move over to the pick-up counter and wait for their drinks to be done.

“Was I not supposed to?” Jace says, frowning.

“Technically, since you’re the one that asked _me_ out, yes. On the other hand, we live in the 21 st century now, and somewhere along the way the rules about who pays for who have gotten seriously muddled. I guess when you do go on that first date, you’re just going to have to fight it out with Clary.”

“Yeah,” Jace says, and his face does something weird. Not unattractive weird, because Simon’s pretty sure Jace couldn’t look unattractive if he _tried_ , but still. Weird, “Clary. Right. How long have you two been friends?”

Their drinks are done at that exact moment, so they pick them up and move to a table all the way in the back of the shop, shielded away from most of the people currently there. “God, since forever I guess?” Simon says, as he drops his teabag in his glass. “Our moms were friends, met in some baby yoga class or something like that, so we’ve basically known each other since we were too young to grasp the concept of friendship.”

“That sounds nice,” Jace says, “It’s kind of like what I have with Alec and Izzy. I mean, I wasn’t _that_ young when the Lightwoods adopted me, but still. It feels like I’ve known them my whole life. They’re my siblings first, of course, and we fight a lot, but they’re also my best friends. I couldn’t imagine life without them. ”

Simon looks up at that, surprised. The thing about Jace Wayland, is that he’s an absolute mystery. He never talks about his personal life to anyone, except maybe with Alec and Isabelle. But other than that, everyone pretty much considers Jace to be the emotionless dick he so often appears to be. And now here he is. Talking about feelings. With _Simon_ of all people.

“Isabelle kind of scares me,” Simon blurts out, because he still has a horrible brain to mouth filter and also it’s kind of true. Isabelle might be the youngest of the Lightwood siblings currently attending High School, but she’s also by far the most intimidating one. She’s as terrifying as she is beautiful.

Jace actually laughs at that, which is a _wonderful_ noise Simon definitely wouldn’t mind hearing more of. “Yeah, you’re not the only one. One time, there were these kids who were bullying Alec. And Alec, in true Alec fashion, didn’t tell us about it, but Izzy found out anyway, like she does. They showed up to school the next day all with matching black eyes. She never even got in trouble for it, because nobody dared to point out they were defeated by a tiny girl in a dress and heels. I’ve never been more proud of her.”

“Now I’m even more scared of her,” Simon deadpans, and Jace hums.

“Don’t worry, she won’t kick your ass.” There’s something in his eyes as he says it, something that tells Simon there’s more behind that sentence than Jace is telling him, some sort of specific reason why Isabelle won’t kick his ass, but they’re not at that point in their relationship yet where Simon feels like he can comfortably ask Jace about it without being punched in the nose. Hell, they just reached the point where they’re apparently comfortable enough to have a conversation with each other without wringing each other’s necks. Baby steps.

“Good to know,” Simon eventually says, and then changes to topic to school related stuff.

\--

It’s kind of surprising, how easy it is to talk to Jace when they’re not forced to act according to some sort of weird high school hierarchy. Right now it’s just Jace and Simon, not Jace the Quarterback and Simon the Nobody. Simon has a rambling sort of humor that very little people can actually keep up with, but Jace responds to his quips and sarcastic little comments like they’ve been friends their entire life. Sure, Jace is still a bit broody from time to time, and Simon’s pretty sure one day Jace’s face will get stuck in the Annoyed Pout™, but other than that they get along great.

Simon doesn’t even realize he’s gone through three cups of thee until Jace gets up and tells him he really has to leave now.

“Right,” Simon says, getting up as well and awkwardly wiping his hands on his jeans. “Home.”

They walk out together, in awkward silence, only broken when Jace says, “So, uh, are there any rules for saying goodbye on the first date?”

Simon perks up. If he were honest, he’d totally forgotten about the original reason for their trip, but now that he’s reminded, he’s back to full on Professor Lewis mode. “The thing is, you want to keep it casual. It’s the first date, you’ve just gotten to know each other, but it’s all still very tentative. The best thing is to go home, think about whether you really like this person or not for a day or two, and decide if you’re going to call them for a second date. So no kissing, no walking each other home. Just saying goodbye and hoping they like you as much as you like them.”

“Ah,” Jace says, “That makes sense.” He scuffs his feet a little, looked at Simon, then back at the ground, and eventually mutters, “Bye Simon,” and starts stalking off.

“Bye Jace,” Simon says, leaning against the wall and watching Jace leave. Getting to know Jace had been really weird. All these years, he’d been this illusion, this unobtainable guy that was at the top of the food chain while Simon was pretty much at the bottom. And today, they were having actual civil conversations, hell, he’d made Jace _laugh_. Weirdest of all, Simon had always seen Jace as this dumb jock, this empty shell of popularness. But getting to know him, he actually found Jace to be witty and intelligent. There were layers to him Simon never really expected to see, and now he didn’t really know what to do with that information.

Eventually, he takes a deep breath, shoves his hands in his pockets, and starts walking home.

\--

“Date two,” Simon says, throwing the door of the bowling alley open with a grand gesture, “Is the perfect opportunity to get some action, and I don’t mean in the sex way. Shake it up a little. Keep it casual, but get those legs moving. We would’ve gone roller-skating, were it not for the fact the rink closed down last summer.”

“I’m pretty sure the world is a better place without you on roller skates,” Jace says, deadpan.

It’s been a week since their first date, one in which they solely communicated through text messages and avoided each other at school. Well, Simon avoided Jace. He wasn’t quite sure if Jace was avoiding him back. Simon just didn’t really know if he could greet Jace in the hallways now or not, or if they were exclusively outside of school friends, and were they even friends? Anyway, the whole thing was confusing and complicated and whenever things get particularly confusing and complicated Simon prefers to just avoid them all together.

“ _Excuse you_ ,” Simon says, offended. “I happen to be _great_ on roller skates.” He pauses. “Well. Okay, so one time Clary and I were going for a roll, except I forgot how to break and barreled straight into a wall, but I only broke my wrist and had a small concussion that time. I can _totally_ be trusted on roller skates.”

Jace sends him an incredulous look. “How on earth did you make it to live 18 years, honestly.”

Simon shrugs, “It’s a mystery. Anyway, as I was saying, bowling. A date classic since ancient Egypt. Well, actually, I’m not one hundred percent sure the ancient Egyptians also used bowling to go on dates, but that’s when it got invented, so. Anyway, my point is, bowling is a date classic. And I’m about to tell you why,” Simon has a glint in his eyes as they reach their lane. Jace rolls his eyes at Simon’s dramatics.

“See, the thing about bowling is, that it’s a great leeway for physical contact,” he says, grabbing a ball and testing it out in his hands, acting like he actually knows what he’s doing. When he throws the ball, however, it immediately goes careening into the gutter. “As we can clearly see,” Simon continues, turning back to Jace, “I suck at this. Which gives _you_ the great opportunity to _show me_ how to do it _._ Well, that’s counting on the fact that you _do_ know how to bowl. Like, you don’t really look like the type that goes out bowling a lot, but you do have the _arms_ , so-“

“I can bowl,” Jace says, cutting Simon off. While Simon was babbling away Jace had apparently gotten closer, and now he’s standing so close Simon could count his eyelashes if he wanted to. Which he does not want to. At all. And even if he did want to, it would take him forever, because fuck, there are _so many_. And they’re so _long_. Simon thinks it’s kind of unfair. Anyway.

“Show me then, big boy,” Simon says with a beaming smile, one that quickly falters when Jace puts one of his large strong hands on the small of Simon’s back.

“Okay, first, you swing way too much. You don’t actually have to swing the ball backwards like some sort of derailed windmill, you’re actually going to hit someone in the face like that,” Jace says, shuffling behind Simon and leaning closer, so his breath is fanning over Simon’s neck. Simon shivers.

“Now get in position,” Simon moves, although he has no idea how, because all his mind is doing is yelling at him how close Jace is and how warm he feels and how strong his muscles are and it’s not helpful _at all_ right now.

It appears Simon has made A Mistake by asking Jace to show him how to bowl.

Jace runs his hand over Simon’s arm, down to the hand that’s holding the ball, and Simon shivers again. Jace guides his hands back a little, swings forward, and suddenly they’re watching the ball make a straight line down the lane.

It’s a strike. Or well, a spare. Since he missed _all the pins_ the first time. Still, it’s better than Simon has ever done, so there’s that.

“And that,” Jace says, and if Simon would have the courage to actually look at him, he’s sure Jace would have some sort of super smug smile on his face, “Is how you bowl.”

“Right,” Simon squeaks, probably an octave higher than normal. Jace has stepped away from him now to grab his own ball, but Simon finds himself frozen on the spot. He can still feel the ghost of Jace’s body against his.

As expected, Jace nails the whole bowling thing. Simon tries to sabotage him by saying it’s totally gentlemanly to let your date win, but Jace just smirks and throws another strike. Truth to be told, Simon’s not doing that bad either. Jace doesn’t help him out anymore, which Simon is eternally grateful for, but even without Jace’s help he actually manages to throw some spares.

He even throws a strike.

“I am the king of the bowling alley!” Simon yells, as all the pins slowly topple over. He’s jumping up and down like an idiot, and the people around him are sending him weird looks, but he doesn’t really care. He just feels really happy right now.

Jace jumps up as well, clearly dragged along in Simon’s enthusiasm. “Lord of the pins!” He yells, and Simon laughs, bounding over and pulling Jace into a hug.

“Bow down to your ruler!” He screams into Jace’s ear, who just laughs, and thumps his back excitedly.

The hug lasts a bit too long though, and they pull away a bit awkwardly, both straightening out their shirts. “Uh, right, bowling,” Jace mutters, and goes to grab a ball. Simon falls down on one of the couches with a loud sigh. He has an amazing view of Jace’s ass from here. Not that he’s looking or anything.

He feels like this whole teaching Jace how to date Clary would be a lot easier if Jace wasn’t so incredibly attractive.

\--

There’s another week between their second date and their third, and this time Simon _does_ come across Jace at school. Which, honestly shouldn’t be that weird. You can only avoid someone for so long, after all. What _is_ weird, is how Jace waves at him. The way he does it looks almost shy, but Simon’s not really sure, because this is _Jace_ and Simon’s pretty sure Jace doesn’t _do_ shy. Simon waves back with an involuntarily soft smile on this face.

When it’s actually time for his date, Jace is annoyingly on time. Once again he’s picking Simon up at his house, like they’ve done before, but it all feels a little bit more official now. “See, date three is where stuff gets a little more fancy,” Simon had told Jace over text message, except with a lot less punctuation and a lot more emoji’s, “Now it’s time to step up your game and take your date out to a nice restaurant. So suit up, asshole.”

“Would you look at that,” Jace says, when Simon swings the door open, “Simon Lewis actually owns something that’s not a t-shirt with a pop culture reference on it.”

Simon looks down at his black button up with his red tie and scowls at Jace. “Just for that comment I’m considering changing into my fake tuxedo t-shirt.”

“Please don’t,” Jace says, and then looks down, suddenly seemingly nervous. He plucks at the sleeves of his own white button up, and Simon thinks Jace should be forbidden to wear button up’s ever again. They fit too snugly across his shoulders and they make his chest look great and this has got to be illegal _somewhere_. Wherever it is, Simon’s moving there so he never has to look at Jace in a button up ever again. “So, uh,” Jace mutters, shaking Simon out of his elaborate immigration plans. “I’m not sure if it was, uh, appropriate, or according to your date rules, but uh, I brought you something?”

Simon’s pretty sure his eyebrows skyrocket as he looks at Jace, “You did what now?”

Jace fumbles a little and then produces a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. Simon expects roses at first, an obvious cliché, but these flowers are a lot smaller, more delicate. They have soft purple, pink, white and red hues, and they kind of remind Simon of tissue paper. “They’re called sweet peas. They mean thank you,” Jace says, as Simon takes the flowers from him.

Simon knows this. He knows this, because there was a period in his life where he was obsessed with flowers and their meanings. He’s read Wikipedia page after Wikipedia page on the subject. And he knows sweet peas, knows what they mean, and Jace isn’t fully wrong. They do mean thank you. Except their full meaning is ‘thank you for a good time’. Simon’s not sure if Jace knows this. The way he’s shuffling nervously and refuses to look at Simon could indicate that he does, but it could also indicate that he’s just nervous about the gesture, isn’t sure whether it’s the correct thing to do or not.

“They’re perfect,” Simon eventually says, and Jace’s shoulders sag in relief, “Soon you’ll be teaching me in the ways of dating rather than the other way around,” he adds, which earns him a laugh.

They get in Jace’s car, and Jace actually holds the door open for Simon. Simon’s slowly starting to think Jace might have been replaced with some sort of weird etiquette robot. “Okay, like I’ve said before, date number three is where shit gets fancy. The thing is, you don’t want to go _too_ overboard. The flowers were good though, they’re a nice touch,” Simon assures Jace, before rattling on, “Date three can be seen as the breaking point. The yay or nay. You’ve covered the basic getting to know each other in date one. You’ve established a connection on date two. Now, it’s time to _see if there’s a spark_.”

“I’m pretty sure,” Jace says, “You just come up with these things on the spot.”

Simon gasps in terror. “How _dare you_ question my almighty knowledge of the date life.”

“Well for starters, I’m pretty sure you don’t even have a date life,” Jace says, with a smirk on his face. God, how Simon wishes he could wipe that smirk off. With his mouth. Or something.

“Just because I choose not to date doesn’t mean I _can’t_ ,” Simon says. Jace sends him a look. “Okay, so, maybe people aren’t throwing myself at my feet or anything,” he relents. “But that’s not my fault! I am plenty charming.”

Jace mutters something that sounds an awful lot like ‘unfortunately’, but before Simon can ask what he means by that, they’ve arrived at the restaurant.

“See, the crucial thing about dinner not being the first date is because it can be such a make or break thing.” Simon says when they’re seated. Jace had pulled out his chair for him, which, seriously. Etiquette robot. He’s pretty convinced he accidentally ended up in one of those creepy AI thrillers. Before he knows it Jace is going to ask him about the weather before politely stabbing him with his desert fork. Anyway. “What if your date cuts up their spaghetti instead of twirling it around a fork? What if they chew really loudly? On a first date, these things would mean an immediate nope. However, on a third date, you can be like ‘okay, so yeah, they hold their fork like they’re actually trying to kill that poor hamburger _again_ , but they’re really cute and they like all the same movies I do so I’m just going to forgive them for it’.”

“I don’t think I could ever forgive someone for chewing with their mouth open, though,” Jace says thoughtfully.

Simon snorts. “Dully noted.”

The dinner is surprisingly nice. They have a table tucked away in the back, and the candle standing between them throws shadows over Jace’s face in a way that kind of make him look like an angel. Or a fancy oil painting. Or something. The food is good too, and Jace, who Simon had pegged as an avid meat eater, actually orders vegetarian dishes. To make Simon more comfortable, or whatever weird reasoning Jace has for it. Simon’s kind of flattered.

\--

“So Alec, ever the voice of reason, is like ‘Don’t break into the swimming pool in the middle of the night, you two are going to get yourself fucking arrested,” Jace says, waving his fork in Simon’s direction, “Unfortunately, Izzy and I never listen to Alec. So that’s how we ended up at the police station at three in the morning, soaking wet from head to toe. Mom was _not_ happy about that.”

“Oh my god,” Simon says, hiding his laughter behind his fork. He can just picture it, Jace standing in a cell, clothes dripping on the floor, his mother trying to lecture him from the other side of the bars while Jace tries to keep in his laughter.

“Alec, who went along with it only to try and keep us out of even _more_ trouble, refused to talk to me for a good week. I threw airplanes at him with ‘I’m sorry’ on them for most of that week, and I think he only really forgave me in the end to make me _stop_. He forgave Izzy immediately, by the way. But then again, it’s impossible to stay mad at Izzy.” Jace smiles at the memory and takes a bite of his pasta.

“You should tell Clary that story when you go on a date with her,” Simon said with a laugh. “She’d love that. She’s always the one with the wild slightly illegal plans that I talk her out of time and time again.”

Jace gets that weird expression on his face he does every time Simon brings up Clary. Simon’s still not pretty sure what it means, but he’s chalking it up as nerves. Jace must really like Clary, and gets nervous at the prospect of actually going on a date with her. Simon gets it, really. Clary can be kind of terrifying at times.

Simon pokes at his pasta as an awkward silence falls over them, “Well, uh,” he eventually starts. Simon _hates_ awkward silence, “Are you nervous for the game on Friday?”

Jace visibly relaxes at the change of topic and launches into a story about how he’s sure they’re going to win, listing the strengths and weaknesses of both teams. The rest of the dinner goes without a hitch, which can probably mostly be chalked up to the fact that Simon doesn’t bring up Clary again.

\--

“So,” Jace says, clearly not sure what to say. They’re standing in front of Simon’s house now. Jace had insisted on walking him all the way to the door, and Simon hadn’t complained. He’d had a lot of fun tonight, and he didn’t really want to say goodbye just yet. Wanted to spent a few more moments in Jace’s company.

“So,” Simon parrots, because he’s not sure what to say either.

“I had fun,” Jace says, shuffling his feet a little. They’re standing pretty close, and the shuffling just causes Jace to come even closer. They’re almost nose to nose now, and Simon momentarily gets lost in Jace’s eyes. Jace’s eyes have always been fascinating, because hello, heterochromia, but there’s something else too. Jace’s face is pretty expressionless at the best of times, but his eyes are like open books, telling Simon exactly what he’s thinking.

Right now, they look oddly nervous.

“Me too,” Simon eventually breaths out. The distance between them seems even smaller now, almost non-existent. “The uh,” Simon clears his throat, “The third date would also be a great opportunity for let’s say, a first kiss.” As he’s saying it Jace’s hand comes up to rest on his cheek, and suddenly their faces are coming closer, closer, _clos-_

“Simon! What’s taking you so long?!” Someone yells from the inside, and Jace and Simon jerk apart like they’ve been lit on fire.

“Coming mom!” Simon yells, and his voice sounds shaky.

Jace eyes are wide, and he honestly looks on the brink of a break down. Simon can imagine. He was about to _kiss Simon_. The only thing that would explain such an action was a fit of insanity. It’s not like Jace would ever willingly want to kiss Simon. Simon’s just, well, Simon. He’s certainly not special not special enough to be kissed by _Jace Wayland_ of all people.

“Right, see you later, Wayland,” Simon says, resolutely turning around and walking to his front door, behind which his mother is no doubt waiting for him.

He doesn’t watch Jace leave. He listens to his car drive away though, before he opens the door. As expected, both his mother and his sister are waiting for him right behind the door. “You had fun tonight, honey?” His mother asks, with a devious grin on his face.

Simon walks past her, shrugging his shoulders as he kicks off his shoes. “It was fine.”

“That Jace guy seems like a nice guy,” She trucks on, clearly unbothered by Simon’s dismissive attitude.

“He’s fine,” Simon mutters.

“You talk about all your dates that way?” His sister butts in, “That explains why you’ve been single for so long.”

“It wasn’t a date,” Simon says, at the same time his mother says “Rebecca!” in a scolding tone. He ignores them both and trudges up the stairs, falling down on his bed the second he enters his bedroom.

He almost kissed Jace. Which was. It’s not like he _wanted_ to kiss Jace. It was probably the mood of the whole thing. The candle lit dinner, the way Jace was being such a gentleman, the whole thing just tricked Simon’s mind into thinking this could be an actual date. Like this could actually _mean_ something.

Simon doesn’t even _like_ Jace. Like, yeah he was surprisingly nice, and Simon would never, ever, get over that jawline, but still. He wasn’t doing this for himself, he was doing this for Clary. Clary, who deserved a guy who was nice and handsome and chivalrous, who knew how to court her. Who deserved someone like Jace so much more than Simon did.

He buries his head into his pillow and screams. Honestly, his life was so much easier before Jace Wayland sauntered into it.

\--

_Jace and Simon's almost kiss by Jules ([wittymage](wittymage.tumblr.com))_

\--

“I haven’t heard from you all weekend, what’s up?” Clary says, as soon as she plonks down on the chair across from Simon.

Simon’s dejectedly poking at  his lunch, and shrugs. He can hardly tell her he’d been on a fake date with Jace on Saturday, and spend most of his Sunday moping and cursing his life and being a generally pathetic excuse for a human being. “Stuff. Homework.”

Clary sends him a skeptical look. “And how’s your Dating 101 course going?”

Simon’s told Clary most of the basics of the first two dates. Actually he’d only really told her that they’d _happened_ and not much more. He hadn’t told her about the way Jace smiled when he talked about his siblings, or how his muscles looked when he threw a bowling ball, or how his face looked in the flicker of candle light over dinner. Nothing about how he’s actually quite funny, and interesting, and genuine. “We went for dinner this weekend,” he says. “I had spaghetti. It was good.”

Clary hums and looks at him like she knows something he doesn’t. He hates it when she looks at him like that. “Well, what I wanted to ask you-“

But whatever Clary wanted to ask him had to wait, because at that exact moment Jace showed up, flanked by the Lightwood siblings, and sat down on the seat next to Simon.

“What.” Simon said, because he usually forgot punctuation when he was ambushed. Not that that happened very often, but still.

“Everywhere else is full,” Jace grouches, as he takes a bite of his sandwich. Just from where he’s sitting, Simon can see at least three empty tables.

Alec and Isabelle sit down as well, and Isabelle is grinning like she’s noticed the same thing Simon has. She sticks her hand out towards Simon. “I’m Isabelle, but please call me Izzy. This is Alec.” Alec nods at him.

“Simon,” Simon says, still a bit baffled. “And that’s Clary.”

Izzy turns her gaze towards Clary, and her smile turns a little softer. “Nice to meet you,” she says, mostly to Clary. Clary beams at her. Simon chooses that as his moment to turn towards Jace.

“Seriously though, what are you doing here?” He whispers to Jace.

Jace simply shrugs, “Eating lunch,” he says, and refuses to say anything else about it.

Simon decides to let it go and just accept that apparently he’s eating lunch with Jace and his adoptive siblings now. Besides, it’s really not that bad. Izzy is hilarious, and her and Clary hit it off almost immediately. Jace and Simon mostly bicker, but it’s all in good fun. Alec doesn’t say much, but when it does, it’s usually a sarcastic comment at Jace’s expanse, and Simon’s already decided he likes the guy.

Maybe this whole expansion isn’t such a bad thing after all.

\--

Jace and Simon are hanging out in Simon’s room a week later, because apparently that’s a thing they do now. Simon is not really sure when it happened, but he doesn’t really mind. Most of the time they just make homework and occasionally snark at each other.

“Oh,” Simon says, while Jace scribbles skulls all over Simon’s math homework. “I got you something,” he says, tossing a small, tinfoil wrapped package Jace’s way. Jace raises his eyebrow at it. “I couldn’t find any wrapping paper, okay,” Simon mutters.

Jace snorts and pries the tinfoil away, revealing a cd case. On the front it says ‘For my favorite asshole’ in sharpie, with a bunch of dicks drawn around it. There’s no track listing. “What is it?”

“It’s a mixtape,” Simons says, “And it’s also the next lesson in Dating 101: keeping things interesting. Most people like it when you give them stuff. Especially when you made that stuff yourself. This cd includes some of the finest love songs of the nineties.”

Jace sends him a skeptic look. Totally justified too. The cd starts with ‘Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)’ from the Backstreet boys and ends with ‘Wannabe’ from the Spice Girls. Simon’s not even sorry. He’s doing this purely to torture Jace.

(The whole thing kind of backfires when they sit in Jace’s car a few days later, and Simon turns on the radio only to hear his own mix. Simon openly gapes at Jace, who just shrugs. “It’s good driving music.”

“Right,” Simon says.

‘Take A Chance On Me’ by ABBA starts playing. Jace sings along every last word. Simon’s momentarily torn between grabbing Jace by the front of his shirt and kiss him full on the mouth, or call NASA and tell them he’s found an alien.)

\--

“So, you coming to the match tomorrow?” Jace asks, lounging on Simon’s bed.

Simon’s at his desk, trying his hardest to focus on his homework instead of the small strip of Jace’s skin where his shirt has ridden up. “Yeah, sure, why not.”

“Good,” Jace says, and then gets of the bed to rummage in his bag. When he finally finds out what he’s looking for, he lets out a triumphant noise, and holds out a bunched up piece of fabric to Simon.

“What’s that?” Simon asks, sending it a dubious look.

“My jersey,” Jace says, like that explains everything. In Jace’s head, it probably does. Simon just stares blankly at him. Jace sighs, “I just thought, isn’t that another rule of dating? Where the quarterback is supposed to give the person he’s dating their jacket?”

“We’re not actually dating though,” Simon says, and pretends it doesn’t hurt to say it out loud.

Jace frowns. “Yeah, but we went on those ‘fake’ dates too, right. Well, then this is just you fake wearing my jacket.” When Simon continues to stare at him blankly, Jace’s face falls and he drops the hand holding the jersey. “Forget it, it was a dumb idea anyway.”

He looks so gutted, that Simon immediately feels the need to make him smile again, “No, no, no, it was a great idea, I’ll wear it,” he says, making grabby hands at the jacket. Jace immediately hands it over, beaming brightly.

Simon’s so fucked.

(He wears the jacket. It’s too big on him, and Izzy laughs for a good ten minutes when she sees it. Alec just sends Jace some sort of weird look that probably means something to Jace, because Jace glares at him in return. Clary wiggles her eyebrows.

Simon ignores them all. The jacket’s warm, and comfortable, and it makes him feel a bit special, wearing _Jace Wayland_ ’s jacket. On top of that, Jace waves at him every time he scores. His hair is plastering to his face and really, he’s more sweat than boy at this point, but Simon’s still horribly endeared. He wonders if this is how it feels like to be dating Jace. He wonders if he ever wants to stop feeling like this.)

\--

A few weeks into Dating 101, Izzy appears next to his locker. Although she is generally a lot closer to Clary, Simon and her still got along quite well. Right now, however, Izzy looks like she is ready for murder. “Lewis,” she says, in a threatening tone.

“Yes?” Simon squeaks. He’s heard Jace’s stories of what she can do, and he’s quite honestly terrified right now.

“We need to have a talk,” she comes closer and Simon shrinks back against the lockers, “About my brother.”

“Okay?” Simon’s honestly a bit confused why they should have a talk about Jace (because he’s assuming that’s the brother Izzy is talking about), but he figures it’s best to just go along with it. “What about him?”

“Nothing,” Izzy says, a terrifying smile on her face, “Just that if you hurt him, I will cut off your balls and shove them up your nostrils.”

“Why would I hurt him?” Simon asks, utterly confused now.

Izzy sighs. “Once you get your head out of your ass and actually start paying attention to what’s happening around you, you’ll know what I mean,” she says, and walks off, leaving Simon even more confused than ever.

\--

“So today Izzy threatened to cut off my balls and shove them up my nostrils if I ever hurt Jace,” Simon tells Clary later.

Instead of being as confused as him, Clary just snorts. “So I guess she finally gave you the sibling speech. I was wondering when that would happen. Wait, does that mean I have to threaten Jace I’ll cut of his balls and shove them down his nostrils as well? Because I’ll do it, but I’m not sure it’ll have much effect. My entire body is literally the size of Jace’s left bicep alone.”

“Why would you give him that speech?” Simon asks. He’d really like it if his friends would stop being so utterly confusing.

“Because you two are dating? And that’s what siblings do? I mean I know we’re not actually related but we’ve been friends forever so it’s basically the same thing I guess.” Clary says, thoughtfully munching on a bite of her sandwich.

“ _Dating_?!” Simon exclaims. “No offense Clary, but if I’d be dating someone, I’m pretty sure I’d _know_.”

Clary raises an eyebrow at him, “So what would you call whatever you two are doing right now then?”

“Fake dating!” Simon nearly yells. There’s panic bubbling up in his throat, and he’s desperately trying to keep it down. “I’m trying to teach him how to date. I’m not _actually_ dating him.”

“Are you sure?” Clary asks, and that gets Simon thinking.

The dates, the flowers, the almost kiss, the mixtape, the jacket, the speech. “ _Fuck_ ,” Simon eventually says. “Fuck, I _have_ been dating him.” He looks at Clary, face panicked and pale. “Clary, Clary, I think I’m in love with him.” He swallows. The world feel foreign on his tongue, but they don’t feel wrong. Just new. Different. “I’m in love with Jace,” he says, more confidently, and promptly bangs his head down on the table. “Ow,” he adds, miserably, and Clary sighs next to him.

“Although your outburst is very…. you, it’s not really a big deal. Just tell him,” Clary says gently, patting his hair.

“What, that I actually want to date him for real?” He asks the table, “Yeah, no thanks, I’d rather not be rejected and die.”

Clary sighs again. Simon thinks that at this point she should just record it as a voice memo on her phone so she can just play that over and over a few times a day and save herself the hardship of sighing herself. “I don’t think he’s going to reject you.”

Simon can’t say, ‘He will, because he’s in love with you’. Can’t say, ‘He will, because even if he wasn’t into you, he’d never be into me’. Instead, he just grunts at the table.

\--

“I’m breaking up with you,” Simon says, the next time he sees Jace. Which, unfortunately, is in the middle of the parking lot at school. “Well, not really breaking up with you, but like. I’m going to stop fake dating you. I think, I think I taught you all I know. You uh, you’re graduating, I guess. From Dating 101. Congrats.”

“Oh,” Jace says, he doesn’t look too happy about this development. Possibly Jace thinks he isn’t ready yet. Simon thinks he’ll do fine. If he just continues pulling people’s chairs out and giving them flowers and smiling at them the way he does at Simon when Simon’s in the middle of one of his rants about why chunky peanut butter is better than smooth peanut butter, he’ll be dating Clary before he knows it.  “That’s uh, okay.”

“Yeah,” Simon says. He doesn’t say ‘I don’t think I can spend any more time with you without kissing the living daylights out of you’. Doesn’t say ‘I don’t want to fake date you anymore, I want to date you for real’.  Doesn’t say ‘I’m in love with you, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you like the idiot that I am and I never want to let you go’. “See you around?” He eventually says. It sounds empty, even to his own ears.

“Sure,” Jace says. It sounds equally empty.

Simon watches him walk away with a heavy feeling in his heart.

\--

He mopes. He’s man enough to admit it. He’s moping circles around the sun. It’s actually kind of impressive how much he’s moping right now. Figures, that Simon would fall for the one guy that’s in love with someone else. His _best friend_ no less. His best friend who’s currently sending him a judgmental look. “I don’t get it,” Clary says, as Simon sulkily eats another bite of ice cream.

“I told you. We fake broke up. It’s over. Real over, not fake over. I’m in love with him, he’s in love with someone else. Done.”

Clary frowns. “I don’t get it, why are you so convinced he’s in love with someone else?”

“Because he’s in love with _you_ ,” Simon blurts out, mostly out of pure frustration, “That’s what this whole thing was about. He was constantly looking in our direction, looking at _you_ , and when I confronted him I realized he didn’t know how to date girls so I offered to help him out. This whole time it was all about how he could properly wine and dine _you_.”

Clary starts laughing, which Simon honestly finds kind of insulting. “Oh, Simon, you _idiot_. Jace isn’t in love with _me_.”

“How do you know?” Simon asks, crossing his arms.

“Because,” Clary says, laughter still playing at her lips, “He came up to me after class today and threatened to murder me an burry me in a place where they’d never find my body if I ever hurt his sister.”

“What.” Simon says, deadpan. “ _What?!”_

“I didn’t want to tell you because you were dealing with your own stuff,” Clary says, looking down at her hands. “But Izzy asked me out two days ago and I said yes.”

So. It appears Simon’s ‘People who want to date Clary’ radar is a bit broken. A _lot_ broken, maybe.

“You should’ve told me,” Simon scolds, punching Clary in the shoulder, “I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you,” Clary says, “I still think you should talk to Jace.”

“Yeah,” Simon says, even though they both know he won’t.

\--

Simon wakes up three days later because he hears music playing outside. “What the fuck,” he tells his pillow, and then gets up to go investigate. He’s thinking it’ll be a bunch of teenager in a car playing their music too loud, but what he finds instead is Jace, holding a boom box that’s blasting Kate Winslet’s ‘What If’ at a criminally loud volume.

“Jace?” He blurts out, staring at the figure in his front yard.

“Hi!” Jace says, as Kate Winslet sings about turning back time.

“What are you doing here?” He yells, in order to get over the music.

Jace says something, but Simon can’t hear him properly, so he waves a few gestures at him that hopefully indicate that he’ll be down shortly, locates a pair of pants and a t-shirt, and then he’s suddenly standing in front of his house, arms crossed, only a few feet away from Jace.

He looks a lot worse than the last time Simon saw him. Which was when he told him they should fake break up. Jace hasn’t been showing up to their usual lunch table these past week. Not that Simon could know for sure, since he hasn’t been showing up either. Eating lunch is a lot less glamorous than it looks like in the movies. And it already doesn’t look very glamorous in the movies.

“So,” Simon says, shuffling his feet, “I don’t even know where to begin? Like, why are you here? Why the boom box? Where did you even _get_ that boom box? Why that song? _What is going on_.”

“The boom box thing I saw in a movie,”  Jace says, finally turning off the song and placing it at his feet. “See, uh, there was this guy who was teaching me how to date, but then he kind of broke up with me, so I had to figure out stuff on my own. But I remember hearing him say he learned a lot from movies, so I figured I’d try that too. That’s how I ended up with the boom box. The song is actually part of a mixtape I made you about our break up,” with that, he hands Simon a cd.

Simon stares at the disk in his hand. ‘From your currently not favorite asshole’ it says.

“Which is kind of the reason I’m here. The break up, I mean. Because I want that to like, not be a break up anymore,” Jace fumbles.

“Eloquent,” Simon deadpans, mostly because he’s not sure what else to say.

“I thought it meant you weren’t actually interested in me. I thought you’d finally realized I liked _you_ and not Clary, all this time, and that you didn’t like me back. But then Clary came to me the other day, telling me how you were moping because you thought I was in love with her, and I just. I wanted to fix things, but I didn’t just. I thought you deserved something epic. So, the boom box. And the mixtape.”

“I,” Simon starts. For the first time possibly ever, he’s at a loss for words. Jace _likes him_. Jace made him a crappy mix tape and got a boom box from _somewhere_ and came to his house to tell him he _likes Simon_. Simon’s life feels kind of unreal right now. “You like me?”

Jace laughs, but it sounds choked, nervous, “Fuck, of course I do. Simon, you’re amazing. You’re weird as shit, yes, and you talk a _lot_ , but that’s what makes you so great. You’re just so unapologetically yourself, and that’s what makes you so amazing. Plus, you’re pretty cute too.”

“Oh,” Simon says, and then he’s dropping the cd in the grass, lunging forward to grab Jace by his shirt and finally, _finally_ press their mouths together.

It’s a sloppy kiss, because Jace is smiling too hard and that makes Simon smile, too, and it’s doesn’t last very long. When they pull away, Simon rests his forehead against Jace’s, his hands still fisted in Jace’s shirt. “I like you, too.”

Jace snorts, “I figured.” And then he kisses Simon again.

(So Simon’s ‘people who are interested in dating Clary’ radar is pretty shit. And so is his ‘people who want to date Simon’ radar. But it doesn’t really matter, because in the end things worked out pretty okay. He’s got Jace now, and Simon’s pretty content with that.

Speaking of Jace, here is five things Simon knows about Jace Wayland:

  1. He’s one hell of a hot piece of ass. Simon thought Jace’s ass in tight sport pants was magnificent and sonnet worthy, but that was mostly because he hadn’t seen Jace’s ass _without_ said sport pants yet. His jawline is _definitely_ the eighth wonder of the world, and yes, he does drown in Jace’s eyes, from up close, with their lips locking. A lot.  

  2. Jace is still a massive tit, occasionally. Simon soon discovers he’s absolutely _not_ a morning person, and that sometimes he just has these moods where he glares at everything for the whole day. But that’s fine, because beneath all that grumping and glaring is a soft, caring boyfriend Simon would trade for anything in the world. (Oh, and Jace totally apologized for that time he laughed at Simon when he started his English presentation in Spanish and got super flustered over it, so that was fine too.)



 

  1. He still stares at Simon a lot, which usually leads to Simon pulling faces at him, just to make Jace laugh. It works every single time.



 

  1. Jace is in love with Simon. Like, head over heels cartoon heart eyes in love. It almost would’ve been embarrassing, weren’t it for the fact that Simon feels exactly the same way. How could he not, when Jace’s smile is like the sun and his laugh the oxygen Simon needs to breath.



 

  1. Jace Wayland does relationships, and he’s surprisingly awesome at them. When they go on dates, Jace still brings him flowers every single time, and holds out his chair like the gentleman he is. He pays for coffee, shows Simon how to bowl, even though Simon has long since learned how to actually do it. He’s the best boyfriend Simon could possibly imagine. A dating pro, some might say. But then again, he did learn from the best.)



 

**Author's Note:**

> the amazing art is from the always amazing and super talented [jules](http://wittymage.tumblr.com) who is a treasure and should be worshipped always (ily darling thank you so much <3)
> 
> i am also on tumblr [here](http://aleclwb.tumblr.com) :D


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